And the winner is "I am a blithering hypocrite and you should pap me on the nose with the back of a spoon"

It's a magic carpet ride, every door will open wide to happy people like you

Reviving my shrivelling grandma and getting out of my depth with Mahler

It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming, Fatboy's coming home

A low-denominator, low-rent scally by any other name would smell like sweets

You can take the cinema out of Michael Owen but you can't take Michael Owen out of the cinema, not without force

Like, clockwork monkey bands are so September it's untrue (a vid from mum)

Store Street blues: waddling with the scrotes, the clubbers and the tokers

mpSunday: Mouse On Mars' Do It

Brian Eno's garter, a lack of gurning mentalism, and Kraftwerk transvestites

Narrating icon presumes a little too much, i.e. an ability to actually narrate

Stinking heave and hoik-encrusted walls: how Cylob saved my sleep

A ticket to ride: bumbling into MC Tunes and putting the green suit away

Sound the klaxon for Gloria Hunniford's cleavage and something about the Waterloo line and dogging in tube trains

Berlin's Vector Lovers are marching like an army with pinheads for shoes

mpSunday: Gescom's Keynell Mix 1

There's an erroneous glitch in the space / time continuum, and it just so happens to be in Cheltenham

Gentlemen in their mid-thirties shouldn't wear tiaras: my totally official state-funded birthday post

RIP Tony Wilson aka "Mr Manchester" 33AD to 2007AD inclusive

This is the future: some pilled-up nutter going wild as a retro dance-rock beat combo plays a dead festival

It was written by Pal Waaktaar you know, and not the good looking one

Rihanna will knock out a cover version of Hangable Auto Bulb as soon as she claps her eyes on this pile of blog waffle

Reqing out* to retina.IT gets the headnod over stalking Sven Väth and Andrew Weatherall in The Orbit

I'm quietly rooting for the Klaxons but this is a post about Fopp's flopped shops and not the bloody Mercury Prize

No apologies just vague ideas, buffalistic non-sequiturs and a cool video for Italian plumber fans

mpSunday: Puzzleweasel's Shrtwv Lkage

White GLOVE, white GLOVE, white GLOVE, hello? hello? is that ITV?

This post is brought to you by the number twelve

One, II, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve

mpSunday: Last Step's Baby Powder

Two little boys had two little toys... (me and Lee doing a pub quiz, then)

II is back: June 13, 8pm, at TV21, Thomas Street, Manchester

Faerie's at the bottom of your piano: harpists please stand up and wait

Mark E gets it on with Mouse On Mars while Amon Tobin gets it on with a spoon and pans of varying sizes

mpSunday: Luke Vibert's remix of A Little Bit More

Shake that 'tushel, theremin lies a mystery, and other pale punnery

Let's get quizzy - the answers

mpSunday: Clark's Ted

Scroll for guff and you'll get stuff. And be chuffed. You won't be duff. Sorry...

Let's get quizzy: just when you thought the local elections were over

In Southport and not quivering under the duvet hiding from Franco frolickers