I am going to become a piece of art.
I will be suspended in an Elmo costume sixty feet above Picasso's grave, whence I shall be painted by 14 naked monks using only humous and swarfega as paints. (Elmo is pictured above, comforting a friend with an eating disorder.)
The actual real truth is a tad mundane. I was followed around Manchester by some dodgy art types, who then documented my journey. The result can be seen in We Were Spending Precious Time, exhibiting in Manchester's Green Room from Friday.
Because I'm not one to pass up a chance to slowdance my ego, and because the dodgy art types are my wonderful chums at Sometimes, I shall lend some twisted ambience to Friday's launch night with my first city centre DJ slot for a while.
Expect a smattering of Flying Lotus, a sniffle of Squarepusher, and a splatter of the new Growls Garden track by Clark, released at the end of this month but yours for the hearing on Friday night. Do come down, from teatime onwards at the Green Room.
While I'm talking art, check out an exhibition I've had a hand in creating. From today, Nexus Art Cafe will play host to 40 Days Of Public Solitude, where we lock up 40 people over 40 days, one day at a time. They will be isolated and alone, but entirely in public view because they'll be locked up in a window - like Dutch prostitutes.
See a live video stream of the space here. Clever, huh? I'll be writing more about both exhibitions as the next couple of weeks drag their relentless way toward the budding hell of spring.