Jan 23, 2011

You have 23 hours left in which to win 100 mp3s

The deadline for my Crimes Against Keyboards mp3 competition is tomorrow (Monday) at noon. If you haven't entered already, here's what you need to do:

- Decide on dance music's worst moment. It could be an awful band, a novelty hit, an established artist getting it horribly wrong, or a wider trend towards crapdom.

- Write about it. Either blog it or email something to dj at fatroland.com. A couple of paragraphs will do, but longer rants are welcome too.

- One entrant will be randomly chosen as the winner. The prize will be bleep.com's top 100 tracks of 2010, worth thirty quid or thirty-five euros or fifty bucks. You'll get a voucher code which I have secretly snuggled in my nappy.

It really is that easy.


Here is a frequently-asked question list for those not yet swayed to enter.

Q. What is an mp3?

A. It stands for music plop-plop-plop, which is the sound mp3s make when they load into the mini record players contained within white i-pod headphones.

Q. Is Justin Biebpipe in the list of 100 tracks included in the prize?

A. Technically no. Although you can re-create the Biebpipe magic by riding a skateboard as you listen. Why not fashion your hair into a bouffanted cowpat? And remember to brush your teeth for that winning Justin smile as you utter the words, "yeah, I'm the white-boy Usher, so what?"

Q. Can I listen to these songs on the train?

A. Many express services have special listening points, in which you plug your CD player into a bucket of cold sandwiches congealed with fake cheese, leaked Stella and the sweat - and other bodily fluids - of a thousand pimply buffet car assistants.

Q. What if I don't like the music?

A. I've done a survey of my teddy bears and 280% of them liked 104% of the tracks. 28% of them also would vote Conservative, but that's neither here nor there. I'm constantly barraged with people asking for recommendations of the latest hippety-grunge popstep disco classics. There's no better way to super-charge your ears with the high-fat cream of the current crop than getting your hairy mitts on Bleep's top 100. I'm a genuine fan of the site and that's why I'm doing this competition.

Q. Why can't think of any bad dance music?

A. You have no ears. And no brain. Just write. You may surprise yourself. And if you don't do this, the Venga Boys have won.

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