Hey, Bleep dot com, whatcha been up to?

"Well, Dave, you can hear an Autechre remix of a track by scarecrow-baiting technistos The Black Dog on our site here.

Thanks, Bleep dot com. My name's not Dave, by the way. What else have you got?

"You might want to check out Antoni Maiovvi's Shadow Of The Blood Stained Kiss. It sounds like a slasher movie and it's got titles like Witchcraft and the onimously monikered They Return. You'll like that, Dave."

That sounds interesting. I'm not Dave. What's Kent electronic mentalist label Planet Mu up to?

"I'm glad you asked, Dave. We asked Planet Mu to come up with a six quid collection of some of their best stuff. It's called The Mu School."

Stop calling me Dave. Seriously. It was funny on League Of Gentlemen, but it's not funny here.

"How about an afro electro collection called Horse Meat Disco, Dave? It's like robots oiling up for an old fashioned disco."

Stop the Dave thing. I know it's a comedy construct to disguise the fact all I'm doing is just re-typing up a blanket email from Bleep, but it really is chafing my watermelon, man.

"Hey, Dave, check out this uber-swish white label remix of Goldie's Timeless--"

Right, that's it, I'm leaving the blog. *slam*