Magic trousers: some words what I wrote for Electronic Sound

Writing for Electronic Sound is easy. I sharpie a load of words onto paper scraps, eat them, vomit them into a kind of stenching Scrabble spillage, then let the magazine editors scrape up the results once dried.

Here are some of the phrases I've used in columns or reviews for Electronic Sound, without their original context. While other writers bang on about Kraftwerk or Simian Mobile Disco or New Order or Juan Atkins (all in issue eight) and use sensible words like "table" or "cardigan", I'm doing... whatever this is.

There are ten phrases here. Perhaps you could eat them, vomit them, blue-tac them onto your wall, write "my new year's resolutions" above them, then pretend you're not having a breakdown?

"1% dado rail"

"an apparent drowning"

"magic trousers"

"an audio Microsoft Paint"

"weeping into a quiche"

"Robson and Jerome? Or just Jerome?"

"school milk"

"skag-chugging junkonaut"

"Tiny feline sex gimp"

"Wayne Rooney"

Futher Fats: Electronic Sound magazine: the future is buttocks(2013)