Ultimate 90s number one: It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic

Here is the latest episode of the Ultimate 1990s Number One series. Of the 206 singles that topped the chart in the 1990s, I pick a group of ten(ish) and decide which ones go through to the Ultimate grand final.

I'm judging each track based on how much of a banger it is, and how much of a bleepy electronic treat it is. There are eleven contender's in this latest group. Which will be top of the pops, and which will be, er, flop of the plops?

Let's go.

The contenders

The Chemical Brothers: Setting Sun  |  Chesney Hawkes: The One And Only  |  Culture Beat: Mr. Vain  |  Eternal featuring BeBe Winans: I Wanna Be The Only One  |  Gabrielle: Dreams  |  Geri Halliwell: Mi Chico Latino  |  Manchester United F.C.: Come On You Reds  |  Peter Andre: Flava  |  Ronan Keating: When You Say Nothing At All  |  Snap!: The Power  |  911: A Little Bit More

Christian flashbacks

I remember selling BeBe Winans albums back in the distant days when I worked in a Christian bookshop. These flashbacks alone exclude Eternal from progressing further in this competition. Geri Halliwell's first solo number one single prevented Alice Deejay from getting to the top of the charts, which is unforgiveable. And there's no way I'm letting a football song proceed in this contest, despite Manchester United F.C.'s Come On You Reds technically being Status Quo's first chart-topper for two decades.

Songs to forget

There are three more tracks that can be easily dispensed with. In the waning months of their career, 911 finally scored a number one single with a sub-Steps ballad called A Little Bit More. I would rather have had a little bit less. Incidentally, 911 started off on an independent label, and their debut single Night To Remember was funded by a guy who ran a chain of opticians. There's a joke there somewhere, but I can't be bothered to write it.

I once interviewed Peter Andre for a magazine. He was fairly unmemorable, which also sums up all of his 1996 number one singles. And I know it's a cheesy dance classic, but Mr Vain by Culture Beat is a silly song. It's a pity this was producer Torsten Fenslau's big hit, and not something under his moodier Out Of The Ordinary alias.

Too many Chesneys

The next three tracks that I am chucking out of this competition are, without question, bangers in their own way. Well. Maybe not Keating...

No-one remembers the 1991 film Buddy's Song in which Chesney Hawkes starred alongside the shotgun-wielding Boon star Michael Elphick. However, they do remember his colossal hit The One And Only, which was written for him by Nik Kershaw. Did you know that jazz trumpeter Chet Baker's real name was Chesney? Now you do. Don't tell anyone.

Dreams by Gabrielle prevented Haddaway's What Is Love from getting to number one. I'm not sure what I feel about this. I suspect Gabrielle always covered up her right eye because she had a tattoo of Haddaway on her eyeball.

If I had to choose between listening to Ronan Keating's When You Say Nothing At All and having my nostrils bulldozed by a gun-raddled James May from Top Gear, I would choose Ronan. Just. But only just. 

For Chris' sake... 

That leaves us with two tracks, both chart bulldozers intent on flattening your ears into, er, little ear pancakes.

In 1996, The Chemical Brothers achieved their first number one single with Setting Sun. Although previous single Loops Of Fury should have been number one. And Life Is Sweet before that. And Leave Home before that. And all the stuff they did as the Dust Brothers. When Radio One DJ Chris Evans played Setting Sun, he immediately stopped the track, saying it was too much for his daytime listeners. What a banger.

Some records hit so hard, they form craters in the landscape of my musical upbringing. One single with such pockmarking power was, well, The Power by Snap!. By topping the charts with their debut single, Turbo B and his buddies denied The B-52s and Candy Flip their best and only chance at scoring a number one UK hit. And what a single it was. Discordant, robotic, soulful and uncompromising, The Power taught me that you could be defiantly weird and still achieve commercial and critical success. Another banger.

Both Setting Sun and The Power go through to the final of Ultimate 90s, mainly because if I met either track in a dark alleyway, they would definitely duff me up. This competition is, in the words of the Snap! track, getting, getting, getting kinda hectic. Stay tuned for future instalments.

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