You'll enjoy these endearing FruityLoops versions of banging electronic music tunes

There's a knob-twiddler on YouTube who's been posting FruityLoops version of New Order songs.

"Knob-twiddler" is not a technical term, but instead is a nickname for people who like to experiment making electronic music. "FruityLoops" is indeed a proper term, in fact it's music-making software that's enjoyed something of a renaissance thanks to its users including Avicii, Basshunter and Timmy Mallett.

I lied about Timmy Mallett.

The YouTube user is called Mkaymufc and they are a New Order nut. Because they are using presets and some pretty basic plug-ins, their instrumental YouTube covers of Bernard & chums are not as well produced as the originals. That's like comparing a crayon drawing of a warthog stuck to your bathroom cabinet to a real warthog furiously trying to mate with your bathroom sink's overflow pipehole. You'll never get it in, Porkles. YOU'LL NEVER GET IT IN.

However, what is delightful is what Mkaymufc does with their limitations: there are some pretty detailed covers here, full of heart. There's something so comforting about a Midi-quality bass drum in a era of over-production. And like a cat following a laser along a carpet, you can watch it play along from start to finish in FruityLoops (now called FL Studio).

Sometimes it doesn't work: Electronic's Soviet doesn't come across well. But I loved Some Distant Memory (that Oboe's so cute!). New Order's Bizarre Love Triangle is brilliant, as is their take on Orbital's Kein Trink Wasser. It was an Orbital tweet that brought these videos to my attention. Sometimes the drawing is as enchanting as the real thing.

Here's Bizarre Love Triangle. Enjoy.

🔘 A PRODUCTION COVER OF OUR SONG KEIN TRINK WASSER BY MKAYMUFC 🔘 pic.twitter.com/fy9b1CDYXU

— Orbital (@orbitalband) December 27, 2019

I'm too techno to be Brexit

I'm too mired in Belgian techno, German house and Liechtensteinian glitchstep to be anti-Europe. The stars of the European flag are my disco lights.

I grew up surrounded by people whose parents may well have been fairly new to the UK. And even then, my non-BME friends were geeks and weirdos who never quite fitted in. 'The other' was, in some way, the default of everyone I knew.

So I don't get any of this. People talk about taking back control, but that's hogwash. I've no doubt the Brexit wrecking ball was swung for nefarious reasons, whether it be blatant racism or a niggling distrust of 'the other'. The politics of pressure led to a terminal state of crapage.

That last sentence was constructed from Front 242 titles. They're from Aarschot in Flanders and they make music about the destruction of all that is good.

Yes, the European mainland gave us Aqua, DJ Otzi and Basshunter. And they will pay for this in the Great Pop Putsch of 2019. Dammit, I've said too much. But Europe also gave us... us. If we're not in union with ourselves, then we're little more than post-Zayn One Direction.

Today, little Britain got a little littler.



Further Fats: In the belly of the beast: a week in Tory politics (2009)

Further Fats: This is not an analysis of the EU Referendum (2016)

Aphex Twin's six new albums: "Maybe I can get Basshunter to remix Selected Ambient Works..."

Edit: Since this post, there has been further speculation about AFX's new album due to an enigmatic Aphex video that turned out to be an advert for Aphex Twin live.

Aphex Twin, who says he has completed six unreleased albums, is like Michael Douglas in Wonder Boys. His desk drawers are crammed with material and it's only a matter of time before it all blows away uselessly into the ocean, lost to the fishes for all eternity.

Maybe he can't stop writing tracks, or more importantly, he can't finish the one's he's started. Maybe the curse of the Aphex Twin Comeback is too much to bear and when he finally releases an album, it will just be the sound of him crying into a supersize tub of Ben And Jerry's.

Since Aphex Twin's last long player proper, Drukqs, Venetian Snares has churned out fourteen albums. We've waited such a long time for this new 'phex LP, it led me to speculate that yes, Aphex Twin's album doesn't exist in February 2009, that no, in fact Aphex Twin's album absolutely does exist in March 2009, or hold on, Aphex Twin's new album may or may not exist in December 2009, or sack it, I'll make some money from his reputation anyway throughout 2010.

Here is the quote he gave fashion magazine Another Man. You'll have seen it in WH SMith: it's the edition with the grizzly looking Keith Richards on the front. To help you with the quote, I've added my own subtext in italics:

“I’ve got six completed (at least I think they're completed, I'm not sure where music begins and ends any more). Two are very non-commercial, abstract, modular-synthesis, field recordings – those I finished four years ago (next to Analord, they sounded crap so I binned them).

"Another one is Melodies From Mars, which I redid about three years ago (my Bowie tribute album could be my big comeback after all). There’s one of stuff I won’t go into (it was my linedancing phase: I'd better not mention that); a comp of old tracks which is never really finished and always changing (maybe I can get Basshunter to remix Selected Ambient Works); and then one I’m working on now (as soon as I can learn a fifth chord on this guitar)."

He added: "There are also loads of tracks which don’t belong anywhere.” Really? If I don't get anything less than a massive fourteen hour concept album with artwork showing Richard 'Twin' James riding naked on a horse with naked Aphexes sprouting from each finger as music tumbles from his many crotches like sticky fairy dust onto a million dogs in Windowlicker outfits, I will be severely disappointed.

Anyhoo, you can read his fashion mag interview in lovely jpeg format here and here.If you can't be bothered to read it, the interview can be summed up as follows:

Are you superstitious? No. I'm bored of this now.
What do you do before gigs? Have a beer. I'm bored of this now.
Favourite noise? Wind. I'm bored of this now.
Describe your music. dflaghaozoushiduqwd. I'm bored of this now.
What scares you? My imagination. I'm bored of this now.
What can we expect from your next album? Which one? I've got six, beeyatch. Did I tell you I'm bored with this interview?

Or words to that effect.

Time again for mulleted monkey-man Guru Josh

December 2015 edit: gone too soon. My thoughts are with Paul's nearest and dearest.

Forget Obama. Cast the credit crunch from your mind. History was made tonight when Guru Josh (pictured) secured an impressive comeback to the singles chart.

Former nightclub entertainer Paul Walden hit number three with a new version of his 1989 classic Infinity (1990s... Time For The Guru).

Apart from a wee handful of cover versions by Stockport's heroin-hazed noise-blender V/Vm, Guru Josh's post-89 career has received little public attention.

Until now.

I fear the new version lacks something by editing out the 1990s references in favour of a Basshunter-style house vocal. We don't get Guru's 'ooh ah' monkey noises for a start.

Here are both versions for your consideration. The first is the original 1989 single, with mullet on full show. Below that is the un-mulleted single that's currently riding at number three under Walden's new guise, the Guru Josh Project.