On the Slipmat with Saturn: a Gorillaz-inspired microstory

I found the following text in my blog drafts. It was an attempt at a picture story, a little micro-fiction slash thought poem, with added pretty pics. The images are taken from the video for Saturnz Barz by Gorillaz, which came out when I wrote this piece seven years ago. Time to finally publish it.

On the Slipmat with Saturn

I was browsing someone else's record collection. Leafing through the seven-inches, flipping them to check the b-sides. You only really know someone by the quality of their b-sides.



There was still something thrilling about placing the record over the spindle. The satisfying 'clump' as the disc settles onto the slipmat. A physical experience before a single note has hit you.

The needle travelled the grooves as the music played. A seemingly endless spiral. Satisfaction in ever-decreasing circles. My mind wandered more freely than that. Lost in eddies and twirls, beyond geometry. 

"You like it when my record goes round, huh?" The fifty-foot worm appeared from nowhere. It seemed flattered. A kindred spirit, connected in musical taste if not in anatomy. I handled it well. My screams were in tune with the music.

How we listened. Let the bass shake us. We jumped between tracks together, hand and tentacle on stylus. Our minds found a rhythm. We travelled to space. Rockets and planets and nebula, playing music in the infinite vacuum with my huge bendy friend.

You can plan your days. Play the music you want to listen to. But sometimes the needle doesn't go the way you want it to. Life can become the b-side. You will know this has happened when you find yourself travelling along a different kind of spiral.

Me and the worm. And the satisfying 'clump' as a new record begins.

Pictured: A hyperfuturistic digital 3D rendering of the worm from the Gorillaz video

Further Fats: I got the pop song, I got the melody (about earworms, 2011)

Further Fats: Story: A meeting regarding new material by the electronic music producer Aphex Twin (2020)

You want to read about music? Here's some politics

I'm not going to bore you with a political post. This is a music blog. You want to read about music, right? Right.

That said, what the hecking flip is going on in my country?

Firstly, we have a Brexit fuelled by phone-hacking hacks and the kind of chin-drooping chump who pronounces "Eng-er-land" with its syllables three miles apart.

Secondly, Lady Voldemort calls a snap election because she's panicking about the waning fires she's stoking in the portal to hell that is our economic future.

Yeesh. Bring back the simplicity of poll tax riots, silent Criminal Justice Bill remixes and MPs defiling themselves with fruit in their gobs.

The UK political landscape is a fire in a dumpster truck. Or whatever the British version of that is. A kerfuffle in a wheelie bin. A dust-up in a dustbin. A situation a skip.

At least we're going to get some interesting music. Whether it's the angst of Holly Herndon (pictured), the dystopia of Gorillaz or the hashtag-problems of Stormzy, our soundtrack has never sounded better as we hurtle screaming into oblivion.

See. This was about music. Pfffrt.

Top ten best electronica albums of 2010: part one of four

This is part one. Please do read the other parts of this blog post: part two, part three and part four
To read last year's top ten best electronica albums, click here.

10 - Lorn – Nothing Else

Marcus 'Lorn' Ortega teased us with the track Until There Is No End on Fat City Records some time ago, a deeply moving slice of apocalypto-funk. Clark, the recipient of my Best Album Of 2010, then went on to master his debut album Nothing Else. You know it because every city in the UK has been plastered top to bottom with stickers promoting the record. In the process, the Brainfeeder sound (crunchy cut-paste J Dilla beats) was quickly knocked several days left of Tuesday with the label's first signing outside of Los Angeles.

It was also Brainfeeder's second album proper, and with Lorn quoting Milton all about the place, you knew it would be something special. Before now, I have praised his testosterone retro and made comparisons to Animal Farm and Bladerunner. The album sounds like Knight Rider having a breakdown: maybe it takes itself too seriously, but Nothing Else soaks you like tears and rain with a sound defined by no-one else but Lorn.

Embrace the synth melancholy. Buy Lorn's Nothing else from Bleep or Boomkat or Piccadilly.

9 - Venetian Snares - My So-Called Life

Like a naughty boy, Aaron Funk ventured away from his natural home at Planet Mu and set up Timesig Records for the (arguably) 22nd studio album from his interior decor / percussion-inspired moniker. Because it was recorded quickly - Snares sees this more of a diary entry than a year's work - My So-Called Life shifted the game somewhat. Well. Slightly. Its still a (detri)mentalist cavalcade of dirty junglism.

The quick recording process lightened the music by precisely nought-point-seven degrees: for example, pastoral string-picking gives way to a beautifully melodic 8bit 'n' bass on title track My So Called Life. But it's the vocal samples that are leaned on more heavily than usual here - and what horrible vocals. Grossly non-PC Welfare Wednesday contains a hilarious jibe at Planet Mu label boss Mike Paradinas, while Who Wants Cake? and Posers And Camera Phones say things that would make Jerry Sadowitz blush.

The most accessible and disgusting Venetian Snares album for a while. Buy it from Bleep or Boomkat or Piccadilly.

8 - Caribou – Swim

Caribou doesn't need any more praise heaped on his handsome locks. Resident Advisor has already pronounced Swim as the album of the year (please don't look at that list too much: mine is horribly and coincidentally similar). And Sun's dizzying refrain ("sun, sun, sun, sun...") loomed heavily over 2010.

I have an entirely personal reason for including Swim here. Opening track Odessa was playing in the bar in which I was getting drunk after my blog awards win, and it kind of became my soundtrack. That's not to downplay the rest of the LP though: crisp, driving house music, chiming hypnotica on Bowls and a nod towards indie pop on Kaili. But really, it's all about Odessa and it's all about the Sun. Sun. Sun. Sun. Dammit, there I go again.

Hunt yourself a Caribou: buy Swim from Bleep or Boomkat or Piccadilly.

Not quite in the top ten (part one)

I will not pretend my list - or indeed any element of my blog - is comprehensive. I also don't think this has been a classic year for electronica, nor that all of these artists are electronica. Crikes. This is like a minefield. Anyhoo, here are some of the albums that didn't pass muster.

I'm astonished at how commercial some of my top ten is this year, although Magnetic Man's eponymous debut album pushed the pop too far to be included, despite MAD and despite it being one of the most important electronic music collaborations of recent times. The same goes for Plastic Beach by the Gorillaz, although that was still a glorious album.

Daft Punk's Tron Legacy soundtrack came very close; maybe it would have helped if I'd bothered seeing the film. I found Darkstar's slow mosh-hopping North difficult to love, while Salem's King Knight didn't tug the earstrings enough for a top placing. Meanwhile, UNKLE bored me to sleep with Where Did The Night Fall.

I was gutted not to include two albums at the opposite end of the electronic sonic spectrum: Ikonika's gamer-baiting Contact Want Love Hate and Brian Eno / Jon Hopkins' Small Craft On A Milk Sea (which is not a great ambient album: it is a great techno album). Any top ten without them would be a crime. It's a fair cop, guv.

This is part one. Please do read the other parts of this blog post: part two, part three and part four
To read last year's top ten best electronica albums, click here.

The tractor thing

This is the place where you go to get the latest music news, yeah? It's like a news ticker but it's straight into your brain, yeah?

Eminem's gangsta-Geppetto Dr Dre is going all Aphex Twin on us by promising an instrumental concept album. He's going to make the sound of each planet in the solar system.

How did you like that news? This is like MTV with Tim Kash and all the stuff on the bottom of the screen that disappears before you have a chance to read it.

Sweat-drenched pill-thrilling Manchester club Sankeys Soap is going all global, like Cream, Ministry Of Sound or the recession. They're setting up in New York with a resident DJ called A-Luv (probably from Yorkshire).

I'm so up-to-date, I'm future. Like Perez Hilton. 50 Cent's appearing in Eastenders, yeah? Massive Attack will revive the War Child charity franchise, yeah? The Gorillaz' Jamie Hewlitt is exhibiting beautiful watercolours at the Contact Theatre, yeah? First thing in the morning, Lady Gaga smells of tractors and not in a good way, yeah?

I'm going to get Bill Turnbull to present my blog from now on. I will have an outside broadcast unit permanently positioned in a street with no-one in. I will constantly remind you of the time. IT'S TEN PAST TEN! SIXTEEN TO THREE! WELL PAST TEATIME!

Of course, everything in this blog post was true apart from (a) this being the place to get the latest news, (b) Bill Turnbull and MTV and (c) the tractor thing.

James from Hadouken! saved me from death by lawnmower

I have a habit of avoiding the Metro newspaper in the same way I have a habit of not smashing my face into the blades of a lawnmower before work every morning.

However, the stinky, freebie spawn of the Daily Mail got something right today. It recommended some good music. Or rather, James out of Hadouken! did in the newspaper's On My iPod feature.

The new-raver (oh come on, they are not in any way "grindie") implored Metro readers to pick up a copy of Hudson Mohawke's funk-infused Rising 5 and described it as "math-y, analogue space-funk with a sitar." I don't hear a sitar there, but I did discover this Boards Of Canada remix of the band sampled by HudMo for Rising 5.

Shuffling death track

James Hadouken! also recommended Flying Lotus' shuffling death track Time Vampires, reminding the dear Metro readers of a Lotus collaboration with the Gorillaz. Flying Lotus did drop a Gorillaz track on Gilles Peterson's radio show recently, and he's also been schmoozing with Thom Yorke - but no Gorillaz remix to report yet.

He went on to plug Inside Pikachu's Foo-Foo by Rustie, except you'd need to replace that euphamism for something a little stronger. It's a stupendous track - as is everything by Rustie at the moment. And he also bigged-up (I believe that is the modern parlance) Joker's Gully Brook Lane.

The Hadouken! chappie finished the Metro feature with Chase & Status' End Credits, a slab of drum and bass melancholia featuring the vocal talents of Plan B which worked brilliantly at the end of Harry Brown and provided Chase & Status with their UK chart breakthrough.

I sometimes get a bit evangelical about electronic music, so it's nice to see music I like amid the usual Metro bilge of kittens, health stories and knowing irony. For once, the lawnmower stayed safely in my garage: I just stapled my forehead instead.

Not very good: a slight blog blip

Please be patient, my sweet readers, while I migrate this blog to something other than Blogger.

I have been with Blogger since 2004, but their new rules on FTP publishing (I have no idea what any of it means) doesn't seem to be supported by my domain name people, Freeparking. So I'm having to jump ship.

Which means instead of writing, I'm having to wrestle with technical stuff that I'm not very good at.

Please be patient, make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, and wait by my blog for further instructions.

In the meantime, you could listen to a preview of Superfast Jellyfish by Gorillaz, sift through an excellent new writing site called Profwriting, look at these utterly uncharismatic photos of Four Tet DJing in Chicago, or grap this Martyn podcast featuring the likes of Joy Orbison, J Dilla, Drexciya and, er, Prince.

Massive Attack got soul but Ceephax got swing(ing lampshades)

Hey, look, there is some albums what just come out!

Ceephax Acid Crew

I'm swinging from the bloody lightshade.

United Acid Emirates, the new album from Ceephax Acid Crew, has got me prancing around my mansion like a brain damaged pixie. It's so lurid and colourful, like being stuck in an 8 bit Meg And Mog cartoon.

The drooling, looping trippiness of the acid, splattered all over this album, is a constant, giddy joy. The opener Cedric's Sonnet is a sharp, spikey melodic number reminiscent of his brother Squarepusher in Welcome To Europe mode. Castilian is dragged kicking and screaming by a full-on, bullying bass drum, while the dated click rhythm of Life Funk reminds me of Felix-era house music.

This is, however, not a stupid album. It's a serious step forward for Ceephax, where he demonstrates his various skills at chugging 80s techno anthems (Topaz) or off-kilter chord arrangements (Commuter). And all this with plenty of squelching acid moistness. Highly recommended.

Massive Attack

Are you bothered about a new Massive Attack album?  Of course you are: I can't believe you asked me that, you idiot.

Heligoland has finally, um, landed. It's a full seven years after the band's previous studio album ("If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing slowly," says their MySpace page) and nearly 20 years after their highly influential debut Blue Lines. And actually, it's that memory of Blue Lines that I can hear on Heligoland.

Yes, there are guest vocalists (which The Guardian had down as almost unique in the dance world, despite the Gorillaz, Fatboy Slim and Unkle doing that kind of thing for years). Yes, there is gloominess a-plenty. But what this has, which I think 100th Window missed, is... capital letters... SOUL.

It's an album that is destined for coffee tables, new year's parties and easy headlines about the vocal collaborators (hello, Guy Garvey), and therefore many serious music fans will brush it off their shrugged shoulders. Which is a shame.

What will really get me all excited are those Burial remixes the internet's been promising.

Pantha Du Prince

Also out this month is Pantha Du Prince's Black Noise. Oh, and look, he has vocal collaborations from the likes of Animal Collective, !!! and LCD Soundsystem people. Read this and weep, The Guardian.

Black Noise is awash with clouds. You know how some albums sound urban-y and some sound outdoors-y? This is Heidi the goat-herder's friend flatlining on heroin on the highest mountain in the world while buzzards perform a jagged dance of death around her.

With sharp techno, dizzying loops, spiralling bells and smoky, smoky atmospherics, this will appeal to Susumu Yokota fans looking to grab something a bit more substantial by the goat horns.

Fat Roland's 2010 electronica preview, part one: or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Instead Develop A Festering Hatred For Anything On The Wrong Side Of Easy Listening

This is part one of two 2010 preview posts. Here is the link to part two.


Welcome to my ball-bursting, clown-punching, thigh-nuzzling preview of what to expect from electronic music in 2010.

I cannot claim this to be comprehensive, nor even accurate, and I am likely to veer off the rails to feature music I wouldn’t normally be too bothered with on this purist blog. But if it goes “bleep”, then it’s probably registered on my radar at some point, even if it didn’t make the final edit.

Where shall we start? I know...

January: "it sounds exactly like La Bloody Roux"

Beth Ditto will be shouting her massive gob all over the radio again, this time on Simian Mobile Disco’s Cruel Intentions. It will be massive? Why? Because it sounds exactly like La Bloody Roux. To counter that, why not bring things down with noise experimentalist Merzbow, who will complete his massive but quite unlistenable Japanese Birds series with the final two albums in January and February. (See my original, bird-filled post on that series here.)

Manchester glorious bleep poppers Delphic will channel the spirit of New Order when they drop their Acolyte album in mid-January.

See him mashing up the beats and then serving them with peas and a steaming pork joint? That's Bullion. Already known for filtering the sixties through his turntablism sensibilities, his Say Goodbye To What single is described as having a “magical Boards of Canada-visit-Studio 54 feel”.

Howse about a big name for 2010? Croydon mailboy Peter O’Grady will have a great time as Joy Orbison. He is also working on tracks on Four Tet’s fifth album - and their first for four years: There Is Love In You is out towards the end of the month.

Also look out for Miike Snow's Silvia: there's something I like about that guy, despite his unkept hair. Keep one eye out for the Super 8 Bit Brothers, if only to distract you from the energy-sapping truth that William Orbit is releasing a whole box set ('Odyssey') of his pleasing, populist electronica.

Oh and if there isn't enough brainless acid mentalism in January, Mike Dred's got new material out.

February: "an ill-fated 22-track concept album"

February is an absolutely massive month for dance music fans. And no, I'm not referring to Josh Wink's Airplane Electronique or Groove Armada's no-doubt snoozesome Black Light album. Nor do I mean The Streets' Computers And Blues, or indeed Fatboy Slim and David Byrne's ill-fated 22-track concept album about Imelda Marcos.

No, the 'massive' refers to the return of Massive Attack with what is only their fifth studio album in a billion years. Heligoland will be released exactly seven years after 100th Window, and promises treats in the shape of Guy Garvey, Martina Topley-Bird, the guitarist from Portishead AND a seriously exciting remix project from dubstep king Burial.

Speaking of Bristol musicians, production mad skills for 2010 will go to Joker - watch out for his various mixes sprinkling the record shelves throughout the year.

Oh and speaking of dubstep, this slightly jaded sub-genre could go go seriously mainstream in 2010. The main contender could be Benga and DJ Zinc when they collaborate with Ms Dynamite in February. Look out for La Roux remixer Skream too.

Or maybe the battle for the mainstream will be won by Philadelphia’s Diplo, who has teamed up with chart-topper Robyn (the Swedish Kate Bush, anyone?) – although following the pair’s studio sessions, Diplo admitted “I think we broke dubstep.” Silly Diplo.

Hot Chip will make a welcome return in February. Their new long-player One Life Stand will include 70s rock legend, This Heat drummer Charles Hayward. No, me neither.

The Album Leaf will present A Chorus Of Storytellers. mixed by a member of Sigur Ros which gives you an idea of the direction of the album, while Flying Lotus will appear on Muhsinah's single Always / Lose My Fuse. Also watch out for FlyLo's other projects this year: his work with Samiyam under the name FLYamSAM and an inevitably stupendous DJ Kicks album.

If there isn't enough brainless acid mentalism in February, Ceephax Acid Crew has got a new one out ('United Acid Emirates' - genius).

Members of !!! and LCD Soundsystem will guest on electro producer Pantha Du Prince's Black Noise album in February. LCD themselves will release an album in March, although with its rock and disco influences, don’t expect it to feature too heavily on this blog. Which brings us neatly to...

March: "hear it on a BBC ident near you"

Cartoon popstars the Gorillaz have signed up very real, uncartoony versions of Snoop Dogg, Lou Reed and, um, Barry Gibb for their third LP Plastic Beach. Expect it to arrive before Easter.

Electronic breaks / trance duo Hybrid have promised an orchestra on their new album Disappear Here in March or April. I don’t think it’ll be very interesting, but do expect to hear it in a BBC ident near you.

For the less commercially-minded, there's Gonja Sufi's essential new album A Sufi And A Killer. There is also Plaid's "experimental Ambisonic piece" Nord Rute based on recordings taken with reindeer herders. Expect a launch event with Luke Vibert in March.

Autechre will feature on the same bill as Salt N Pepa at Bloc 2010 (mentioned here in November). I cannot write that enough. Autechre will feature on the same bill as Salt N Pepa at Bloc 2010. If you think about it, what's the difference? Really?

Tim Simenon will revive his Bomb The Bass moniker with LP Back To Light, while Dan Le Sac and his quick-tongued chum Scroobius Pip will try to revive the good old days of 2007 - they will start March with a single called Get Better and follow it with album Logic Of Chance a couple of weeks later.

Does It Offend You, Yeah? have the most nauseating album title of the year. Don't Say We Didn't Warn You will complete their final metamorphosis into being a slightly synthier Muse.

Ooo, I nearly forgot Goldfrapp. Head First will be preceded by single Rocket. I have something scribbled here about Tyondai Braxton, but I'm not sure what it means. Hopefullly he will take time out from his fancy classical music commissions to produde a new Battles album.

Finally in March, To Rococo Rot (they of big beat fame) promise their new album Speculation will be "measured" and "restrained". If you want to be as adventurous as Keane, what's the point? And Starkey will follow his 2009 single OK Luv with some more bad boy bleeps on his album Ear Drums and Black Holes, due out at the end of the month.

Sadly, there isn't enough brainless acid mentalism in March.

This is part one of two 2010 preview posts. Here is the link to part two.