Feb 10, 2009

Aphex Twin's new album does not exist. Now can we just stop worrying and enjoy our knaves-- er, I mean-- lives?

"New album title begins with the letter V. Close enough to Y for Yellow House. Only W and X getting in the way, and keeping Y and V apart."
What?

Warp Records guitar-weilders Grizzly Bear exclusively revealed their new album begins with the letter V, according to this mysterious Twitter 'tweet' (link now broken) from a band member. They later exclusively revealed the LP will be called Veckatimest, and mixing finished this week.

Yes, wow. This website is just like Heat magazine so I can use phrases like 'exclusively revealed' and get away with it.

I can exclusively reveal that "Grizzly Bear's album begins with V" is an anagram of "Warm vegetably sizzling? Rubbish!"

In other Russell Grant-style wild speculation, I can exclusively reveal that the internet is squirming with the rumours of Aphex Twin (logo pictured) releasing an album called Konklaver.

Despite the rumours being absolute guffballs (there is no 'Konklaver'), Aphex fans are dribbling over forums everywhere with their unified cry "KONKLAVER!!!!!!!!!!", wearing down their exclamation mark to a mere smudge of its former self.

Aphex Twin has long been the subject of conjecture, as fans of his pseudonym The Tuss will testify.

With titles no better than 'Fashionable Headpiece', the dull track listing of 'Konklaver' is a far cry from Aphex's rich, early names like Schottkey 7th Path, Acrid Avid Jam Shred and i.*

As speculation goes, it's pretty unconvincing. But speculation's rife, as speculation so often - I can exclusively reveal - is.

I can exclusively reveal that 'Aphex Twin's Konklaver' is an anagram of 'Howl, extra-pink knaves.'

Aphex Twin's new album does not exist. Grizzly Bear's, however, does.

I can exclusively reveal I have been using an anagram generator instead of watching the Grammys. Please stop reading this drivel, and pop over to YouTube where you can see a delightful video of Grizzly Bear playing in a French bathroom in 2006.

Ever-so-slightly related blog post: Aphex Twin's new album does exist, my lying mouth be damned

Update: read my December 2009 update on Aphex Twin's new album here.

Update: read my March 2012 update on Aphex Twin's new album here, including an exclusive comment from Grant-out-of-Rephlex.

*not a typo, honest.

14 comments:

BCM said...

I'd just like to say that Konklaver is definitely happening.

Love BCM.

Fat Roland said...

Please disregard everything I have written. I have a copy of Konklaver on exclusive 14" vinyl.

steve said...

I can't say I care much about the Gammys at all (my fiancee will drop names and I'm like, wha?). Still, can't quite get into Grizzly Bear either and as for a new Aphex, his recent Tuss and AFX releases have been enough for me. There's too much good stuff out there to be wasting your life away on waiting for a new Aphex release, right? lately I've been in love with a young duo from Utah(!!) called "Forest World". Now that's some Grammy material in my humble opinion! :)

Fat Roland said...

Checking out Forest World. Lovely beepiness. It's good fun, although it worryingly reminds me of Joy Electric, whom I hate. Ooo, they're using phones as synths... they have phones in Utah?...

yzus said...

im sure afx is far too busy messing around on the internet being too bored and releasing his tracks on myspace profiles that no one will ever find to make a new album

Fat Roland said...

I know the feeling.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knw00mfCfvM

sorry to burst your bubble....

Fat Roland said...

I burst my own fragile little bubble last March:

http://fatroland.blogspot.com/2009/03/aphex-twins-new-album-does-exist-my.html

JPM said...

while you're worrying about pink knaves, can I push you in the version of the tube map

http://www.anagramtubemap.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/

not sure if you're a Queer Spank kind of guy or more Otter Bends or Frog Innard

Fat Roland said...

I'm more of a Maroon Hues kind of chap.

Anonymous said...

Worst little drop of a tangent on the internet, ever.

Fat Roland said...

'Konklaver' was less of a drop, more of a mucky splatter.

Anonymous said...

afx should work with global goon

Anonymous said...

I think its afx should should do u an album with global global goon.