Apr 30, 2012

I'd advise skipping to reason ten lest you fall asnooze from my word vomming

I've been quiet in The Happy Land Of Bloggy, but it's not been without good reason. Here is a list of ten things I have been up to instead of wiping my word genius on your eyeballs.

1. Building a lifesize model of the universe from Plumber's Mait putty.

2. Starting a religion made of cats. It's difficult to make an abstract concept from a real thing, so I've had to build a robot that can bend reality.

3. Constructing a cellar for my cellar. I really felt my cellar was lacking somewhere from which to walk downwards from my cellar. Have been taking advice from moles.

4. Writing an extensive Wikipedia article about the 56BC FIFA World Cup, printing off the resulting page and making it into a papier-mâché football which I then burned.

5. Deleting words from the Oxford English Dictionary that we don't use nearly enough, such as "vine", "azure" and "micromelic".

6. Mastering the art of levitation, but cheating and so spending my time inventing an invisible table instead. Harder than I thought. The main material is fine, but B&Q don't sell non-see brackets.

7. Applying to Manchester City Council for planning permission to extend my brain. A bit frustrated that Ordnance Survey don't do detailed A4 site plans of the cerebral cortex. Embarked on a cartographic analysis of my cerebrum. On an unconnected note, also bought a dictionary.

8. Becoming Will.I.Am without the real Will.I.Am noticing.

9. Naming my first three children Boom, Boom and Pow. Not because of the Will.I.Am thing, but because that's the noise I make when I'm building a robot mole to transcend invisible reality using putty.

10. Making tunes. Which is kind of the real reason for this blog post, but you probably stopped reading ages ago so I might as well be farting at a cow for all this word vomming is worth. *I* stopped reading ages ago, and I'm the one tapping at the plastic letters. Oh the humanity.

The picture: click for bigger.

Further Fats: all 105 articles labelled "whimsy" (!)

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