Here's a screenshot of the pop music artist Ed Sheeran performing one of those NPR Tiny Desk Concerts.
I can't remember what he performed. One of his pleasing ditties, I suppose. A warm guff of mainstream melodies. Maybe he performed a six hour homage to kittens being drowned in a vat of Monster energy drinks. I don't know. I could barely listen to more than a few seconds of his Tiny Desk Concert.
No, the music is not the point here. Take a look at that screenshot. Go on. Take a look. Take a close look. Can you see what's wrong? It's there, glaring you in the face.
Here is Ed.
Look at his cute hamster face. He's holding that guitar deftly. No doubt he's good at holding other things, like potted plants, soft cheese or ransom letters. Ed is standing in the middle of the room, light from the windows gushing through his legs. He is, right at this moment, probably singing the word "spatula".
Next. Here is the concert.
The musicians stand around Ed because standing around the singer is the minimum requirement to create a concert. I wonder what their names are. Malchom. Guffery. Kendoolix. Colin. Although we can't see a drummer, I reckon there are seven musicians. That's a lot of people to fit into a room, especially when it's a home library where half the books seem to be missing. Nevertheless, good concerting, musicians.
Finally. Here's the desk.
YOU'RE MEANT TO BE BEHIND THE DESK, ED. Not around the desk. Not near the desk. Not, as in this case, not only standing next to the desk, but facing the wrong way so you can't even shuffle sideways and open the drawers.
Look at Lizzo doing her Tiny Desk Concert. It appears to be a reception desk, slightly shallower than usual. Lizzo is behind the desk. Therefore Lizzo is doing a Tiny Desk Concert.
Look at Miley Cyrus doing her Tiny Desk Concert. She's clearly positioned in front of a child's make-up desk. Therefore Miley is doing a Tiny Desk Concert.
Even flipping Coldplay get the desk thing right. Look at how many people are behind that desk. There's even a poster on the left showing someone sat at a desk.
Ed Sheeran is doing it wrong. The desk, which may or may not be tinier than usual, is not being interacted with. It is separate from the performance, as if a desk thief has dropped it by mistake while running from the dining room to the billiard room.
This isn't a Tiny Desk Concert. This is a Tiny Desk Next To A Concert.
The fact that it took me ten minutes of scrolling through Tiny Desk videos to find those desk-performance links because it turns out hardly anyone doing Tiny Desk concerts has a desk in their video therefore rendering the series a total con IS ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT. I just wanted to have a go at Ed Sheeran.
Stupid Ed and your stupid desk.
