Eggvent: it's what Father Christmegg would have wanted

Eggs. Loads of eggs. Everything is full of eggs. 

As readers of this blog will know, I've had quite a year. My brain went bang and I've been recovering ever since. To be fair to my brain, it is doing a brilliant job of helping me recover even though it's my stupid brain that caused all this trouble in the first place. I am working again, and writing, and going to gigs, and doing many things a normal human would do.

I've been slower to get back to cartooning. Lots of screen time makes me tired. When I'm creating cartoons digitally, that involves peering at pixels for long stretches of time. This is no good. I had to come up with a way of getting back to cartooning that wouldn't overwhelm me.

The solution? Eggs. Lots of eggs. They are easy to draw. There is no shape more simple than an egg shape. This is geometric fact. Look at triangles: eeeugh, they're so complex and full of angles. Unlike an egg, which is easy. Anyone can draw an egg, even if they have a brain made of bent spanners.

My egg series has been published on my social media throughout this month, It is, of course, advent themed. "Eggvent." There has been a nativity shepherd that's an egg. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer that's an egg. The robot from the Dr Who episode 'Wild Blue Yonder'... that's also an egg with a Chrimbo hat on.

The latest one is the Christmas chart topping London band East 17 as eggs. Who, of course, had an excellent hit single with the chorus "Everybody in the house of l'oeuf." I just thought of that on the spot. Maybe my brain isn't so spannered after all.

What's next? I could do other foodstuffs. Potatoes. They're kind of egg-shaped. Sausages. They're just oblong eggs. Broccoli? No, way too complicated.

Follow my egg exploits (my eggsploits) on Twitter (X), Instagram, Facebook or Bluesky.

Further eggy Fats: Weebl & Bob pimp kudos joy (2005)

Further eggy Fats: This is what happens when I change my Facebook profile picture (2014)

Should X Factor fans face execution?

Bravo to the Rage Against The Machine for bringing proper music back at Christmas. Society should be much more angry about this bland X Factor crap. Jedward Schmedward. Go Joe!
ZAC DE LA CRUDPOPS, LOS ANGELES

simon callow is well out of order. peeople shoudlnt watch itv. BOYCOTT THE BBC. simon did do zig and zag tho and taht was well LOL
RACHEL SPRATLEY, NEWTON HEATH

My parents brought me up proper, my first album was Bros, I think X Factor fans have a right to express themselves, but they should do it in the privacy of their own homes, music has the right to children but there are limits.
DR P BONER, HARLEY STREET, TOBERMORY

Has anyone mentioned me yet?
A HITLER, BOURNEMOUTH

Let me be clear that X Factor is an abomination in the eyes of Rephlex Records. Aphex Twin laid down his life for our sins, and we waste that salvation by keeping the telly switched on after Harry Hill every Saturday. Join my Facebook group to launch the W.W.AFX.D. wristband campaign. It's what he would have wanted.
JOY WRECKS, CORNWALL

As an X Factor viewing male (sorry mum, but it's true), I find it very hurtful that this is even being discussed.
DARYL COLE, SOUTH SHIELDS

Just because a website is called Have Your Say, it doesn't mean that people should have their say. The whole point of a democracy is that certain people should know their place. I voted Labour in 1997. That doesn't mean I wanted them to win, for goodness sake. What was the question again? Question Time should do a special edition on this.
BERNARD SNARKS, DAILY EXPRESS LEADER WRITER

Tesco are playin Stay Another Day. WICKID! That's paid for me holidays.
TONY MORTIMER, EAST LONDON

Joe is too young, he's only going to encourage paedoph-- (SNIIIIIP!)

Five vocalists I definitely want to work with if I was a music producer who was definitely wanting to work with any one of five vocalists

Wesley Willis

Epically prolific Chicaco-born schizophrenic who reached Shaun Ryder-like heights with Rock N Roll McDonald's. Try this rhyming couplet for size: "A Big Mac has 26 grams of fat, a Quarter-Pounder has 28 grams of fat." Although his vocals were like a drunk hyena being attacked by a cabal of badgers, he brought a warm humanity that would have provided rich material for an overwrought X Factor biography piece - if he hadn't died before X Factor was invented, that is.

Dizzee Rascal

He sounds like he wants to sound like Scooby Doo. Enough said.

The scary woman from Human Nature

Let the carnival begin. Every pleasure every sin. Gary Clail's Human Nature was a strange old beast from the early 90s: a fairly standard dance track with the kind of choppy pianos that were de rigeur at the time, but with added Scary Transvestite who seemed to be dressed in the contents of 20 thousand grandma's jewellery boxes. At least, I think she was a transvestite - or, to be more accurate, drag artist. She sounded like a heroin-hit Boy George. Wait. It's Boy George, isn't it?

50 Cent (pictured)

The second most famous Jackson of all time (yes, that's his real name) decided to Get Rich instead of Die Trying, which must have taken a lot of courage. His rapping is singularly the most awful style since Robbie Williams tried to toast all over his middle eights. I think it's meant to sound lazy, but it just comes across as... well, lazy. He is the Barney The Dinosaur of rap, although in honour of that, his vocal chords should be declared the fifth element of hip hop. Despite my mockery, I would love to hear his version of Squarepusher's Red Hot Car.

Polly Harvey

The Mercury Music Prize got it right in 2001. Potato-gizzling -guzzling* sculptress Harvey is a folk singer from the depths of hell and she is wonderful. She is the most famous saxophonist not primarily known for playing the saxomophone. Her vocals are like felt drizzled in acid. She is definitely not to be confused with the depressive member of East 17, nor with the failed footballer and So Solid Crew MC, nor with the rabbit from Donnie Darko that tormented Jimmy Stewart as he jumped off that bridge (I think I got that right).

* Edit: I preferred 'gizzling'.