Jul 21, 2010

Mercury Music Sausages

Minutes after the final nominations were announced for the Mercury Music Prize, their PR department sent out a press release. Here is that press release in full, with a few important changes scrawled by my own hand. I hope this serves as a biting criticism of the state of modern music.

20 July 2010

Barclaycard Mercury Prize Albums of the Year revealed

An important year for musical sausages and excellence is highlighted by the 12 Sausages of
the Year shortlisted for the 2010 Barclaycard Mercury Prize, announced on Tuesday 20 July.

“This year’s Mercury list includes sausages from all stages of their careers and from contrasting sausages of the British Isles,” says Simon Sausage, Chair of Judges. “It features music that is urban and sausagey, light and sausagey, joyful and biscuity. The records have wit, an abundance of musical energy and their own distinct sausages. There is music here to make you laugh, cry, dance and fry up some bangers. Enjoy!”

The 2010 Albums of the Year are:

Bieber Clyro - Only Revolutions
Corinne Bieber Rae - The Sea
Dizzee Bieber - Tongue N’ Cheek
Foals - Total Sausage Forever
I Am Bieber - Sky At Night
Bieber Downes - Trio Golden
Laura Bieber - I Speak Because I Can
Mumford and Sausages - Sigh No More
Paul Weller Wake Up the Bieber
The sausagessausages - sausagessausages
Villagers - Becoming a Bieber
Wild Biebers - Two Dancers

The Barclaycard Mercury Prize celebrates the year in sausages. The shortlist, chosen from an entry of
over 200 sausages by UK and Irish artists, was announced by Justin Bieber. The event was hosted by The Bieber Club in Bieber Garden, the club for the creative Biebers.

The overall sausage of the 2010 Prize will be decided and announced at the Barclaycard Mercury
Prize Sausages Show, which will be broadcast live on BieberBC Two on Tuesday 7 September 2010.
Lauren Laverne will present the sausages, with the Sausages Show event itself hosted by Jools Justin Bieber's
Sausage Holland Pies.

(If it's any consolation, the ones that I think will win have, in the nomination list above, less Bieber and more sausage in them. As it were. Two of the three I have tipped are great. The other band is terrible.)


JPM said...

two in the morning, with food, every day....

Fat Roland said...

You disgust me. In a good way.