Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 1: Richard H Kirk's Virtual State

Number 1 in my top ten comfort-listens is Richard H Kirk's Virtual State

Album name: Virtual State

Artist: Richard H Kirk

Additional note: This is the last post in this mini blog series - see all the rest here. I should have included Aphex Twin, The Orb and Global Communication in this list, but all three demand closer listening even if it's something I've heard a zillion times like Selected Ambient Works, and the whole point of this series is about background listening without paying too much attention. Also, you can pretty much shuffle this entire top ten. Righto - carry on...

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: A lovely pair of woolly trousers.... actually it doesn't say that, but Spotify's recommendations are pretty weak

Most comforting musical element: The memory of playing this on vinyl over and over again, alongside Autechre's Incunabula, without - at that stage - knowing much about either artist

Least comforting musical element: The fact that Kirk's had so many aliases and projects (Cabaret Voltaire, Sandoz, Electronic Eye, Sweet Exorcist), the chances are you're listening to Richard H Kirk AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): A lovely, heaving, moist Fat Roland, possibly lubricated with Lurpak

Comfort food it should be paired with: A lovely salad - you've had far too much comfort food during this blog series and you're looking a little green around the gills

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: None of them: I'm keeping this album all to myself, so important was it to me back in t'day

What the opposite of this album sounds like: A basket of puppies being poured into a shredder, or perhaps a baby hippo in a blender, or maybe a giraffe entangled in the mechanical jaws of a city-destroying megabot - basically, anything that's horrible

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full - thanks for reading.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 2: The Radio Dogma podcast

Number 2 in my top ten comfort-listens is The Black Dog's Radio Dogma

Podcast name: Radio Dogma

Artist: The Black Dog

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: Ah! Shut up! It's a podcast! Fooled you! In your FACE, stupid question-setter!

Most comforting musical element: The quality of the collated tunes, and the continual warmth even when they get dark

Least comforting musical element: When you're trying to concentrate, the talking gets in the way, but I'm sure The Black Dog don't sit in their studio thinking "better make sure we don't throw Fat Roland off his macramé"

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): A couple of gruff old techno-heads from Sheffield, proper rubbing up against you, they are - one of them's wearing a really itchy poncho

Comfort food it should be paired with: A Sheffield egg, which is a Sheffield-centric egg encased in sausage meat, cheese, relish, breadcrumbs and steel dining forks

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: All those other bloody idiots who do bad things on podcasts: poor editing, poor mic control, eating on mic, going on mic with a sniffly cold, waffling on too long, not listening to answers, talking over each other, doing endless intro segments, bad music... you all need to be more like The Black Dog

What the opposite of this album sounds like: Nighttime on the New Zealand north island village of Papatowai, which is directly on the opposite side of the Earth to Sheffield (geography for the win)

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 3: Sun Electric's Present

Number 3 in my top ten comfort-listens is Sun Electric's Present

Album name: Present

Artist: Sun Electric

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: Mariah Carey and Megadeth... only joking... Global Communication, System 7, The Orb

Most comforting musical element: It sort of glistens, like a beautifully packaged parcel of molten hot iron

Least comforting musical element: Aaaargh, too hot, aaaaargh, too hot, I'm burning, I'm burning

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): This album was off my radar and I only really got into it a couple of years ago (Kitchen was always my preferred Sun Electric album), so it's like being smothered by a long-lost uncle who you're not entirely sure is your uncle but he has that look in his eyes so you carry on pretending he's definitely your uncle

Comfort food it should be paired with: A sausage and chorizo pasta bake thrown into the fiery heart of the sun

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Normski - whatever happened to Normski? Or maybe Neil out of Art Attack. Someone you'd forgotten about but now really want to meet

What the opposite of this album sounds like: An overly-familiar part of your body, like the back of your hand, or your athlete's foot, or your gangrenous third nipple

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 4: Autechre's Incunabula

Number 4 in my top ten comfort-listens is Autechre's Incunabula

Album name: Incunabula (rhymes with parabola) (probably)

Artist: Autechre

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: AFX, Squarepusher, μ-Ziq

Most comforting musical element: Autechre were so different here: just listen to those lingering chords

Least comforting musical element: The week this was released, Mr Blobby entered the charts for the first time - COINCIDENCE?!

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): Something old and textured, like a very nice elephant or a grandpa dressed as a Christmas tree

Comfort food it should be paired with: A lovely slice of old pizza you found behind your oven (just blow the mould off, it'll be fine)

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: All the candidates in the Tory leadership contest, as long as they listened inside their own toilets and didn't come out ever again

What the opposite of this album sounds like: Blobbyyyy, oh Mr Blobby, if only you could make us understaaaand....

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 5: Bicep's Bicep

Number 5 in my top ten comfort-listens is Bicep's Bicep

Album name: Bicep

Artist: Bicep

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: I'm not even going to bother because they don't mention Bonobo once, which is ridiculous

Most comforting musical element: Those icicle-sharp hi-hats that send a shiver up your nose

Least comforting musical element: The blokes from Bicep who have nipped round to poke an icicle up your schnozzle

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): Nostalgia, but not creepy family photograph nostalgia: good nostalgia, like early MySpace or your YouTube uploads from ten years ago

Comfort food it should be paired with: That ice-cream with the marshallow chunks in, but nothing too salty, thanks, in fact I'll just have a Viennetta

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Anyone overdoing the whole keyboard-warrior bullying on Twitter instead of using their significant following to celebrate their legacy such as, for example, IT-themed sitcoms

What the opposite of this album sounds like: A life without nostalgia: a country without a past, a person without a back-story, a computer without a search history

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 6: Bola's Soup

Number 6 in my top ten comfort-listens is Bola's Soup.

Album name: Soup

Artist: Bola

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: Arovane, Brothomstates, Kettel (where really they should just list Boards of Canada)

Most comforting musical element: It's exactly the right level of chill

Least comforting musical element: The title pun (bowl o' soup)

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): Soup, but room-temperature soup because a piping hot minestrone is going to take your face off

Comfort food it should be paired with: Soup, obviously soup, just plain old soup, not soup and a bread roll, just the soup, no you may NOT sprinkle it in herbs

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Joey Essex because he once did a soup advert, which is very much something I just had to google

What the opposite of this album sounds like: What's the antonym for soup? Just some ingredients laid out in a line, entirely separate, i.e. some tomatoes or a mushroom, I really feel there was something else I was meant to be writing about here...

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 7: B12's Electro-Soma

Number 7 in my top ten comfort-listens is B12's Electro-Soma.

Album name: Electro-Soma

Artist: B12

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: The Black Dog, Two Lone Swordsmen, LFO

Most comforting musical element: The completeness of the album, which is remarkable considering how it was patched together

Least comforting musical element: Nothing, shut up with your stupid question, this is a bang-to-rights classic, and slightly makes up for the face I've included no Aphex Twin in this list

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): A hundred androids with their soft, stroking metal hands and tickly jagged antenna.

Comfort food it should be paired with: A nice bucket of circuit boards sprinkled with that spicy red salt everyone seems to like these days

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Deckard out of Blade Runner because I believe he had trouble with a few androids and this album makes robots sound kinda okay

What the opposite of this album sounds like: This album is the diametric opposite of beardy folk music, which as we all know is the worst kind of music

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 8: Kiasmos's Kiasmos

Number 8 in my top ten comfort-listens is Kiasmos's Kiasmos

Album name: Kiasmos

Artist: Kiasmos

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: Rival Consoles, Max Cooper, Jon Hopkins

Most comforting musical element: The sheer musicality of their classical influences

Least comforting musical element: The fact that I used this as intro music at my 2015 Edinburgh Fringe show, which was such an intense experience I have only just started to listen to this album again

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): The endless stares of arm-crossed audience members with furrowed brows that suggest their one burning thought: "well, this is NOTHING like Michael McIntyre"... and then it turns out they quite liked it

Comfort food it should be paired with: A plate of deep-fried chips that's been marked up £3 because it's the Edinburgh Fringe

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: MICHAEL CRAPPING MCINTYRE

What the opposite of this album sounds like: My forthcoming 2019 Edinburgh Fringe show Seven Inch, showing 1.15pm every day at the News Room from August 1st to 13th (see what I did there?)

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 9: Orbital's In Sides

Number 9 in my top ten comfort-listens is Orbital's In Sides.

Album name: In Sides

Artist: Orbital

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: Underworld, The Future Sound Of London, The Orb (pretty lazy if you ask me)

Most comforting musical element: The climax of Out There Somewhere

Least comforting musical element: The creaking of The Box, which is even more scary on the 12", I mean, seriously, I've not been near a box since

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): An avalanche of leaflets from the Green Party warning us of the impending climactic doom suggested by the album, but, y'know, with a list of useful tips like switching off your tap when washing your balls

Comfort food it should be paired with: A lovely refuse skip of discarded hummus sandwiches

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Jeremy chuffing Clarkson, who should be made to listen to this while driving an electric car

What the opposite of this album sounds like: A green and pleasant land, like out of that song

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

Fat Roland's top ten comfort listens - 10: Ceephax's Camelot Arcade

Number 10 in my top ten comfort-listens is Ceephax's Camelot Arcade.

Album name: Camelot Arcade

Artist: Ceephax

Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations: EOD, DMX Krew and Bogdan Raczynski

Most comforting musical element: All those cheery major chords

Least comforting musical element: The Camelot-themed suit of armour you have to wear while listening

What it's like being smothered by (in a good way): Chainmail, but soft chainmail that's made of kittens that may have been slaughtered by a sword-wielding knight but let's not think about that right now

Comfort food it should be paired with: A glistening ham soaked in mead and possibly walked on by flies

Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out: Jacob Rees-Mogg - it's themed on his era so he'd be bang up for it

What the opposite of this album sounds like: A dystopian future full of spaceships doing bad things

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

My top ten comfort listens - introduction

To misquote Venetian Snares, the world is a cavalcade of pain and Brexitist horrible hardcore pom poms. Jacob Rees-Mogg wants us all riding penny farthings and everyone's ruining milkshakes on fascists. I want to block it all out.

Sometimes, I need a comfort-listen. Music that will smother me in sonic cotton wool: beats to becalm my blood pressure. Music that I can whack on my computer speakers so I can, trance-like, get on with some interesting creative work without all the noise of the modern world.

So here goes a mini-series of my top ten comfort listens - the background music that sends me most easily to my happy place, like a snoozing cat.

It is, by its nature, a very personal list which I shall blog hourly throughout May 31st, starting at 9am with this introductory post and finishing with my number one choice at 7pm. The top ten is pretty arbitrary, so don't take each album's placement too seriously.

I'm also going to write it quickly, from my gut, without much thought - after all, that's blogging's USP, right? To do this, I need a framework. Each post will answer these questions.

Album name:
Artist:
Who they sound like according to Spotify's recommendations:
Most comforting musical element:
Least comforting musical element:
What it's like being smothered by (in a good way):
Comfort food it should be paired with:
Public figure I would recommend this album to so they can chill the heck out:
What the opposite of this album sounds like:

Click here to see the comfort listening series in full.

This can't just be a blog post moaning about trains, can it?

Utter flipping disaster. Thursday was meant to be a mega day in Liverpool. It wasn't to be.

Firstly, my appearance at a spoken word night in Liverpool was kiboshed by a power cut. The venue was without electricity and apparently my performance wasn't going to be electric enough to compensate. We quickly rescheduled. One of them things, innit.

That wasn't the annoying bit. I'd decided to be clever and get to Liverpool early to check out The Beatles Story, an exhibition about the Merseybeat band that invented the submarine or something. I'm working on a commission and I was hoping to foment some fab four fun in my brain follicles.

I hadn't counted on our awful trains. They weren't just delayed - they were deleted. Not a single train in my local area for hours. Signalling failure.

But Fat Roland, I hear you say, this can't just be a blog post moaning about trains not being on time.

Yes it is. It is a flipping blog post moaning about trains being rubbish. Not a single train. FOR HOURS. I went to see some superhero thing at the cinema instead - the one with the glowy woman and Samuel L Jackson looking about 12. It was quite fun, but it was no trip to a Beatles museum.

Trains, you ruined my afternoon. I did eventually get to Liverpool, moments before I learned of the power cut, and even that trip was a litany of lateness and last-minute platform changes.

Maybe this blog should be about trains. Forget electronic music. Each blog post is just me screaming at a departures board, or delving into 92 pockets to find the ticket I had just seconds ago, or weeping into an expensive panini.

To paraphrase The Thick Of It's Steve Fleming: "Choo flipping choo."

Fat Roland: Seven Inch

Hey look, it's an actual show!

Fat Roland: Seven Inch at the Edinburgh Fringe
Aug 1st to 13th 13:15 (1 hour)
Comedy (spoken word, absurdist)
Laughing Horse @ The Newsroom - The Basement (Venue 93)
Show details here

In the last record shop still standing, Manchester comic Fat Roland re-examines his life through not-so-teenage kicks, surrounded by forgettable (and unforgettable) pop music. Amid the cobwebbed racks and fading seven-inch singles, he faces his 45th birthday alone – when a new opportunity comes knocking, will Roland pack up his gramophone? A five-star, one-idiot commission for The Lowry, Salford, adapted especially for the Edinburgh Fringe. ‘A comedic onslaught of musical puns, cultural references and audience interaction.’ ***** (UpstagedManchester.com). ’A funny, silly and entertaining show that comedy and music fans will love.’ **** (TheReviewsHub.com).