Mentioning Donald Trump in my last post stuck in my throat. And my eyes. And my pants. At the time of writing, the only people performing at his inauguration was a boy scout on the spoons and a whistling dog called Rabies.
Trump and music should not go together. His idea of good music is mid-career Oasis, or musicians in dungarees, or everything released in 1951. He never talks about techno or jungle. The only time he puts a donk on it, it's without the donkee's consent.
Alright, Obama wasn't cutting edge. He was cool, but in a mainstream dad way. I reckon he had cassette tapes of Roxette and Lighthouse Family on Air Force One. I've heard he once bought DJ Tiesto's Adagio For Strings on 12-inch and never played it. Perhaps. That's okay: at least he tried.
I'm not sure Trump understands music. I'm not sure Trump understands anything. He's a withered flesh sack flopping from one room to another; a hollow semblence of a human; husk sapien.
I bet the only format Trump's ever owned is mini-disc. And the only thing he ever listens to is the sound of the entropic gas that wheezes out of him every time he sits down: a kind of muddy gasp of exhaled miasma, forever looping in rings around his ears.
Trump couldn't listen to music if he tried: he can only hear himself.
And now this:
I'd much rather be stuck in a lift with all 1.6 billion Muslims than a single Donald Trump.— Fat Roland (@FatRoland) December 8, 2015
If you transpose Donald Trump's name forward by five letters, the result is AMAZING:— Fat Roland (@FatRoland) March 1, 2016
Oh wait no I lied, it's crap.
Donald Trump, medium glove. pic.twitter.com/xVToRFwyAc— Fat Roland (@FatRoland) March 22, 2016
I think if Donald Trump was called Bonald Bump, he'd be way more popular.— Fat Roland (@FatRoland) September 24, 2016
Donald Trump President is an anagram of Mr Paedo Lends Turd-Pint. Make the right decision, America. #trump #hillary #downwithturdpints— Fat Roland (@FatRoland) November 5, 2016
Further Fats: The X-Factor and the end-times apocalypse (2004)
Further Fats: In the belly of the beast: a week in Tory politics (2009)
Further Fats: I have just burned down my local NHS hospital while listening to Phil Collins on my walkman (2010)