Ready?
Here we go. My two criteria for choosing the musicians I did were (1) they were well known and successful, and (2) I didn't like them. With each answer, I will justify point 2. Or at least, I'll try to.
FLAKED MORNING ANUS (5,3,9) is Simon and Garfunkel:
Their music seems weedy to me, as if it's not really trying. They need to back things up with a techno beat, or perhaps a spectacular pom-pom dance routine. Which one is Simon and which one is the other one? No-one really knows.
I AM LUBE BELCH (7,5) is Michael Bublé:
He's so middle of the road, it's like watching painted road lines dry. If he was a cat's eye, its eyelid would be half drooped with boredom. I realise things like Michael Bublé need to exist, like tables or shoe horns, but that's no reason to get excited about him.
HAIRY CAMERA (6,5) is Mariah Carey:
What's with the warbling? If someone did that to you on the street, you'd punch them on the nose. No-one needs to scale five octaves: just stick to the one octave. In fact, stick to the one note. There are too many notes.
LIAR CHEAT USING AIR (9,8) is Christina Aguilera:
It's so long since I've heard Christina Aguilera that I've forgotten what she sounds like. Was she the one in ABBA? Was she that X Factor winner who sang that song? Was she the baked potato one out of East 17? All I can remember is I didn't like her music.
PERTURBING SCENES (5,11) is Bruce Springsteen:
I know he's the boss and everything, but he's not the boss of me. I don't get the whole American blue jeans thing, or the whole stadium rock thing. Mainly the jeans. Why can't he wear a nice pair of cords? Or some orange slacks? Yes, orange slacks would be nice.
BLAND BOY (3,5) is Bob Dylan:
Hey, I get this guy's place in history, but I can't stand the voice. I think he's the reason I don't like folk music. I heckled Bob once, at Manchester's Free Trade Hall. I demanded he play some Judas Priest. I think people misheard me.
TA, LEUKEMIA (5,5) is Katie Melua:
Katie's music is warm and comforting, and I don't want warm and comforting. I want cold and uncomfortable: it's why I'm into techno. She should make some techno instead of counting all the bicycles in major Chinese cities.
BYE, PISS RANTER (7,6) is Britney Spears:
I didn't like the sexy schoolgirl thing: very worrying. I didn't like the whole Toxic bad behaviour thing: it was a bit meh. And as for her dubstep moment? For the love of Springsteen, poke out my ears with a Garfunkle.
There you go. Some fun anagrams, some revealing answers, and a torrent of negativity to cast a shadow over this whole enterprise. Why not make an anagram out of someone you love by shaking them until all their innards get scrambled? What fun! Thanks for readgin (it's an anagram of reading).
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