Solve my anagrams instead. Here are 20 anagrams of pop stars. Both groups and soloists are included, and they have all spent at least two weeks at number one in the UK singles chart in the last five years. One of them is ostensibly not a musician but got to number one anyway.
If you don't get these, you are either bad at anagrams, or you are so out of touch with pop culture, your stupid computer wears socks and sandals and you can barely read this blog post through your pathetic curtain hair.
I hope this has motivated you to do my wonderful anagram quiz. The answers to the 20 anagrams are in the comments section below, so be wary when scrolling down. You thin streak of nose bile, you.
Oh, just one more thing. Each anagram comes with an essential clue which may, possibly, be motivated by my slight dislike for the artist / group. I'm sure you'll find these clues "helpful".
1 Ace commercial hymn
Clue: This anagram disgusts me so much that every time I see a teenage boy in make-up, I scratch my face with barbed wire.
2 Ardently foul
Clue: I'd rather have a cat in immense pain lodged in my cerebral cortex than listen to this anagram.
3 Censored jam
Clue: The words denominator, lowest and common were invented for this annoying, infuriating anagram who lucked-out with a number one.
4 Dry thy cistern
Clue: Oh, look how trendy and urban this anagram is, let's all be like this anagram. I hope this anagram is savaged by an elephant.
5 Dusty scallops
Clue: Prancy, flouncy, arsey rivers of sniffle: Heat magazine awaits.
6 Fancy jewel
Clue: I'm not sure how this anagram could be more of a public embarrassment. I'm ashamed this anagram is even on my blog.
7 I am t'bland
Clue: Oh let's make every record sound like I did it. Oh look at me. Oh you're punching my nose. Oh it sounds like my records. Oh.
8 I am the inept
Clue: I do listen to this anagram on YouTube from time to time, but only because I HATE MYSELF and want to lose consciousness.
9 Learn dark beaux
Clue: Get off my telly screen, you undeserving piece of rotten knicker fluff. Go play at a children's party some time, but make sure they're baby tigers.
10 Lion weasel
Clue: Lion? Or weasel? Neither. This anagram is a hedgehog six seconds after falling under the tyre of a hearse. Three Xs, now get off the stage.
11 Mister Craphole
Clue: I thought this anagram had gone in the 80s, perhaps walked off a cliff into a valley of infected syringes.
12 Old leper
Clue: I cannot even express-- gnnnngh-- how awful-- gaaaaah-- I mean-- rrrrgggghhfffrt-- aaaaargh-- bleeeugh.
13 Perky, arty
Clue: Best pop sensation ever. I am, of course, lying through my plaque-infected yellowed teeth-holes (each hole, strangely enough, has formed the shape of this "controversial" anagram).
14 Rank, sly garble
Clue: You know if you go to a shop to buy some manure and you get there and there's a massive sign saying SOLD OUT? Fudge you.
15 Riotous bingo
Clue: All you need to do, dear reader, is stop buying this anagram's records. Market forces. Just stop. You didn't buy them, y'know, before, did you?
16 Scornful Gig Riots
Clue: Worst. Ever. Seriously.
17 Sneaking snot
Clue: This anagram is so rubbish, I have a wheelie bin reserved for all its records, a Bob Marley-style graffito of its name on the side of the bin, made from paint and tears.
18 Sweet yank
Clue: A-hahaha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What a moron. #justsayin
Clue: I once saw this anagram advertised at an Autechre gig. The disparity of, well, everything, still makes me weep.
20 Wet flies
Clue: See anagram.