Dec 24, 2009

Donner and blitzen, reviews and previews


I'd like to wish all my readers a happy Winterval Jesustide. May the fat beardy man drop all manner of goodies down your chimney.

The next week-ish on this blog will be dedicated to two things.

Firstly, my review of the year will take a broad stagger into the china shop of 2009 in the hope of not breaking everything. I will foist upon you my favourite albums of this year, my final list of favourite films of the last 12 months and a few other silly goodies too.

And following the success of a similar post at the start of this year, I'll also bring you my preview of the best electronica releases likely to stumble into our eardrums in 2010. It might not be comprehensive, but there's a hell of a lot to talk about and it has taken me about a month to compile, so if you don't read it, I'm slashing your tyres.

If you don't want to miss all this, then pop this site into your Google reader / intravenous drip. See you on the other side of the inevitable frozen turkey / candles / Christmas tree disaster.

(Picture of Manchester's town hall Santa from my recently revived photo blog.)

Dec 20, 2009

Live blog: Rage Against The Machine versus a small boy with white teeth

It's the chart battle everyone's talking about. Simon Cowell thinks it's stupid. 7Digital reckon X Factor's Joe McFlurry won't get to number one. So I've settled down in front of a warm radio to being you a live blog of the chart result as it happens.

6.31pm: Someone is on the wireless comparing RATM to David and Joe McDonalds to Goliath. This can't be right?

6.35pm: "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow," says the stupid charity single that Peter Kay did. This is at number four, just ahead of 3OH!3 and their annoying shouty song Starstrukk with pretend lesbian Katy Perry. Already, with three more hits to go, I feel like ending it all and forgetting about tomorrow forever.

6.37pm: This supposed 'medley' (for that, read 'malady') is going on forever. At least we know RATM and Joe McCavity are in the top three...

6.40pm: So then who is number three? The insipid presenter fellow has just read out a text saying Killing In The Name is "just noise". Surely that's what music is? It's not something you can taste, is it? Right then, they've finally got to number three in the UK singles chart. Oh no! It's Lady Gaga and her "rah rah rasputin" nonsense! You've got to love her videos, though.

6.43pm: I'm quite excited by this. In a year in which Twitter has defined as well as followed the news, it's a real moment for the internet. I bought Rage Against The Machine's Killing In The Name first time round, and it's as good as anything to stick one in the eye of the annual X Factor Christmas number one stitch up.

6.45pm: Radio One is playing a recap of the whole Joe McElderberry versus RATM battle, Rocky-style. They'll no doubt recap the chart so far. Any moment now; just minutes to go.

6.46pm: Rage Against The Machine sold 100,000 downloads just yesterday. I'm feeling quietly confident.

6.47pm: And the number two single and runner-up is...

6.47pm: JOE McCRAPPYPANTS! Ha ha ha ha ha!

6.49pm: Simon Cowell, the internet has spoken. Please hand your King Of Slush card into security on the way out. This is amazing news - I just hope Scott Mills remembers to play the censored verson in a few minutes (unlike the embarrassed Simon Mayo (I think) on the chart show back in 1990).

"Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you're going to have to lose."

Joe McElderry, 2009
6.56pm: The largest first-week digital sales ever (does that count for an old track?) and the most downloads ever sold for a Christmas number one single. Well done, chaps. Zack de la RATM says "when young people decide to take action, they can make the seemingly impossible possible." Bless, he just called me young!

6.58pm: Those who downloaded are justified for wearing the badge saying "screw you, X Factor, your time is up". I'm not quite sure if those adapted lyrics would scan, but you get the idea. And it's also quite a while where we've had a number one where there's a man going "UH!" all over the place.

Hurrah! 'Night all.

Dec 19, 2009

A phenomenally dull post about cataloguing music

Rustle rustle.

Chief executive of Corgi toys, £500,000 per annum, company car provided? Hmm, depends on the size of the car.

Rustle rustle.

Cleaner, £8.50 an hour, required to work in blogosphere clearing up dead bits of old posts? Nah.

Rustle rustle rustle. (This is meant to be me browsing the job pages, by the way, not stealing cows.)

Ah, here's one. It seems Bleep was recently the lookout for a "bright, enthusiastic intern", as opposed to a dull, maudlin one, to help manage their content.

That meant cataloguing and maintaining all of Bleep's lovely tunes. As an avid watcher of early 'WAP' catalogue numbers on Warp Records and as someone who still reads The Guinness Book Of British Hit Singles like a novel, this job has its appeal.

Cataloguing your own music collection is very important but increasingly difficult to do in a digital age. It used to be that my CDs and records would get sorted into any one of three fairly obvious ways:

- colour of the spine;

- alphabetical order of first vowel of artist's name;

- number of key changes.

But now my collection is a lot more protracted, with shards of downloads littered all over the place. I have folders called 'random downloads', 'more random downloads' and 'I think I downloaded these while drunk'.

So how do I order things now? By file size? By the time it took to download? By likeness of the waveform to the Manchester skyline?

I asked some of my Twitter followers how they organised their record collection. The public responses were thusly:

- Andy Taylor has all his CDs in a "big bloody box", so lets iTunes do all the work.

- a similar story was told by Alex Hall, although he uses a big bloody bookcase rather than a big bloody box.

- Jonathan Anelli asked: "Remind me? What's a CD collection again?" This could have been an incisive comment on the development of technology, or he could just be senile.

- Richard Holden used to alphabetise his CD collection until he, well, basically got a life. He uses iTunes.

- and Robert Marshall talked about Linux and Amarok, but he might as well have been talking about mechanical zebras and jellied pot noodles. But he helped demonstrate a point.

Despite my Linux ignorance, the point I got was this: whatever system we use, we are terribly uncreative when it comes to organising our music collection.

CDs and records used to be part of our environment, part of our decor. I still have a CD rack with duck feet.
You just don't get that when you let your cataloguing be defined by what computer you happen to use, no matter which trendy-looking skin you select in the options menu.

I refuse to be kowtowed by my komputer-- er-- I mean, by my computer. My files of randomness remain because it reflects how I used to organise my CDs. I do try and be organised according to these fairly obvious rules:

- colour of the mp3;

- alphabetical order of first vowel of the file size when written in letters;

- grouped by whichever daytime TV presenter I was fantasising about marrying when I downloaded the track.


It doesn't look like I'll be trotting to Kentish Town any time soon to join Bleep in their quest for beautifully catalogued data.

Dec 16, 2009

Should X Factor fans face execution?


Bravo to the Rage Against The Machine for bringing proper music back at Christmas. Society should be much more angry about this bland X Factor crap. Jedward Schmedward. Go Joe!
ZAC DE LA CRUDPOPS, LOS ANGELES

simon callow is well out of order. peeople shoudlnt watch itv. BOYCOTT THE BBC. simon did do zig and zag tho and taht was well LOL
RACHEL SPRATLEY, NEWTON HEATH

My parents brought me up proper, my first album was Bros, I think X Factor fans have a right to express themselves, but they should do it in the privacy of their own homes, music has the right to children but there are limits.
DR P BONER, HARLEY STREET, TOBERMORY

Has anyone mentioned me yet?
A HITLER, BOURNEMOUTH

Let me be clear that X Factor is an abomination in the eyes of Rephlex Records. Aphex Twin laid down his life for our sins, and we waste that salvation by keeping the telly switched on after Harry Hill every Saturday. Join my Facebook group to launch the W.W.AFX.D. wristband campaign. It's what he would have wanted.
JOY WRECKS, CORNWALL

As an X Factor viewing male (sorry mum, but it's true), I find it very hurtful that this is even being discussed.
DARYL COLE, SOUTH SHIELDS

Just because a website is called Have Your Say, it doesn't mean that people should have their say. The whole point of a democracy is that certain people should know their place. I voted Labour in 1997. That doesn't mean I wanted them to win, for goodness sake. What was the question again? Question Time should do a special edition on this.
BERNARD SNARKS, DAILY EXPRESS LEADER WRITER

Tesco are playin Stay Another Day. WICKID! That's paid for me holidays.
TONY MORTIMER, EAST LONDON

Joe is too young, he's only going to encourage paedoph-- (SNIIIIIP!)

Dec 14, 2009

No new electronica in the singles chart, repeat to fade

Earlier this year, this blog carried a 'Chartwatch', in which I kept a sharp eye on the UK singles chart in a vain hope of Hyperdub scoring their first number one hit.

In the absence of any popular electronica anywhere, the Chartwatch feature became as desperate as it became bored: I canned it in the summer.

But I love you, dear Fat Roland On Electronica reader, and I want to have your alien lovechildren. So I preserved the text for you to read.

On the first anniversary of the very first Chartwatch, here is the whole dang thing in all its monocolour glory:

- Dec 14th 2008: No electronica of interest in the singles chart, unless you count Basshunter's Jingle Bells and Scooter vs Status Quo (?!).

- Dec 21st: The only vague bleepiness in the Christmas chart is Kanye West, whose album celebrates the Roland TR-808. Bah humbug.

- Dec 28th: No electronica in the chart because no-one has released anything. Aphex Twin has missed a trick there, I reckon.

- Jan 4th 2009: Some dirty synth action in Lady GaGa's Just Dance (highest new entry in this week's singles chart) but it's not really electronica.

- Jan 11th: This week's singles chart is about as electronica as a moustachio-clad tapeworm called Derek. Not impressed. (Lady GaGa got to number one.)

- Jan 18th: With a glut of electronica releases about to hit, maybe just maybe we'll get our first electronica hit of the year - coz there's naff all in this week's chart.

- Jan 25th: There is no electronica in this week's singles chart. Simply Red are in the top 40 album chart. I'm off for a cry.

- Feb 1st: I thought I saw the word "techno" in this week's chart - but turns out it's Coldplay's bloody Life In Technicolour. No electronica, then, in this week's singles chart.

- Feb 8th: There's electronica in the singles chart! Well. The Cadbury's advert music. At #75. It's kinda bodypop techno, but that'll do. The revolution starts here!

- Feb 15th: The Prodigy bring electronica (albeit commercial dancy electronica) to the singles chart with Omen, a new entry at UK#8.

- Feb 22nd: No new electronica in the singles chart. Just Coldplay copyists like Gary Go and U2. Yeah, Bono, you heard me right, deal with it.

- Mar 1st: The Prodigy have a second track in the chart this week, which is all very promising: but can we please get Autechre to number one, just for a change?

- Mar 8th: As a Stock Aitken And Waterman cover version sits astride the number one position in the singles chart (Flo Rida's execrable version of a Dead Or Alive song), the death-knell for all good music rings loud. In short, no new electronica in this week's chart.

- Mar 15th: Still no electronica in the singles chart. Is it too much to ask for a Drexciya re-release getting to number one?

- Mar 22nd: Royksopp in the top 60 is as electronica as it gets this week. At least it will give ad agencies something to put in their adverts.

- Mar 29th: Dear Music, I am disappointed at your continuing failure to provide underground electronica hit singles. I shall be writing to the techno ombudsman. Yours sincerely...

- April 26th: I took a momentary break while I recovered from Broken String's (James Morrison) return to the charts. Still no electronica, although the electro pop revolution continues (hello, Frankmusik).

- May 17th: Deadmau5 and Prodigy lead the dance stampede, although I'm still waiting for that Mu Ziq number one single...

- May 31st: Not much electronica in the charts, although Prodigy have been sniffing round the edges of the top ten recently and Dizzee Rascal's Bonkers has some delightfully techno moments.

- June 14th: Still no new electronica in the chart. What the hell is Bill Withers doing having a hit single? He's not IDM.

- June 21st: Two horrific Noisettes singles and not one paltry Warp Records release in the Top 40? There ain't no justice sometimes.

- July 19th: Have a look at what's number one in the singles chart. (I think this refers to JLS.) Seen it? If you're the last person to leave the country, please switch off the lights.

- A few weeks later: This item has now ended due to an exhausting seven month drought of IDM / electronica in the UK singles chart.

- December 20th: Aphex Twin is Christmas number one, narrowly beating the X Factor winner Joe Something-or-other to the top spot with an intense cover of Gary Glitter's Leader Of The Gang. (Okay, I just added this bit. But one can but hope, cannot one?)

Dec 10, 2009

Will Aphex Twin get round to releasing that new album?


As we hurtle horribly into 2010 and its inevitable poverty-ridden reality of sewage in the streets and corpses littering the post offices, one question spews brutally from our lips:

Will Aphex Twin get round to releasing that bloody album or not?

I have addressed this before in the posts Aphex Twin's New Album Does Not Exist Now Can We Just Stop Worrying And Enjoy Our Knaves Er I Mean Lives and its contrasting follow-up Aphex Twin's New Album Does Exist My Lying Mouth Be Damned. But that was several months ago: let me offer a little more clarity.

Every single Aphex Twin album rumour in 2009 has been started by jokers on message boards. Whether it's vague Rephlex Records links on Xltronic or fake track titles on We Are The Music Makers. That's okay. It's fun and playful like the sinister bears on Donkey Rhubarb, and was inevitable following two years of speculation about the identity of the Tuss.

But all we know for certain in December 2009 is this:

Nine months ago, as the commercial world was licking its chapped lips at debut number ones from Lady Gaga and Flo Rida, Warp Records founder Steve Beckett gave an interview for the BBC in which he promised a new Aphex Twin album by the end of the year if he could prise it out of Aphex's hands.

Those hands remained as unprised as a bulldog's greedy chops. The fact is Beckett just isn't in regular contact with the Aphex and has to be content for the window-licking one to be constantly "gearing up for something" by playing new tracks at live shows (see the letter J in Self-Titled's Warp piece here) but never quite spitting out the full monty. As it were.

If there is a new Aphex Twin album, it's nestled in banks on his sequencers and, for now, nowhere near the offices of his record label.

So in the meantime stick the kettle on along with your scratched Analord 12"s or your CD of Druqks and wait. Wait until the next decade, because the Noughties have been woefully devoid of Aphexness compared to the 90s, and that once-lauded prolific streak seems buried in the bleepy mists of time.

(Picture from NMScene, which has a lovely Burning Man review.)

Dec 6, 2009

N-n-n-n-n-n-brand new LPs from the Slott and the Lone

Edit: Lone's album is mentioned in my top ten electronica albums of 2009. 

N-n-n-n-n-n-finally, Mike Slott has coughed up a debut mini-album. It's called Lucky 9teen and if I was going to mark it out of ten, I'd give it n-n-n-n-n-n-twenty six.

Opening with hymnal chords and excitable cheering, the record spins us through broken hip hip that digresses through muddy puddles of jazz and beguiling troughs of 80s synthorama.

He's produced more than a handful of tracks with Hudson Mohawke in the past, although if Mohawke's music is patchwork slacks reeking of doobie smoke, Slott's sound is a bit more suited and booted and sporting a sparkly bow tie.

Listen to Mike Slott's Lucky 9teen at Boomkat. Keep an eye on the Slott: he's not just making new electronica: with the likes of Dabrye and Rustie, he's busy inventing it. N-n-n-n-n-n-good work.

While I'm musing about broken beats (do people still say that these days?), let me point you towards Lone's Ecstacy And Friends. Lone is Nottingham's Matt Cutler and a label-mate of Lukid. He has ripped a few pages from Bibio's sun-bleached book and produced an album of such melodic heat, it will leave your skin cripsy and sizzling like an inattentive beach bather.

I'll warn you now though: the kick drum hits so hard, your crap computer speakers will wither wretchedly. Catch snippets of Lone's Ecstacy And Friends here.

Dec 2, 2009

Bored at Rustie, tapey-fingered whingers and stuffed lycra


Hello, December, you snowbag of Christmas fun, you.

Here are some things you may have missed recently, mainly because my Twitter account has shrivelled and died and so your premier source of electronica information has stopped. In fact, you've probably been so bereft without me tweeting, you're no doubt huddled in a corner shivering and dribbling.

- Rustie has dropped a bomb in the shape of a Crookers' No Security remix. Legendardy squawkbox Kelis has sassed herself all over this track, and her vocals work well with his computer-game take on the track. Having said that, it's the first thing Rustie has done that has bored me a little. (Crookers pictured above.)

- The Grauniad has been musing on the death of hip hop. Writer Simon Reynolds places it around the time of Nas' Hip Hop Is Dead, or maybe when Timbaland declared his love for tapey-finger stadium whingers Coldplay. He wins points for slagging off auto-tune, but loses points for using the dismal contraction 'slanguage' (surely, 'slang' would do?).He says:

"I still hear quite a lot of bump and skitter in street rap but there's a pedestrian familiarity to the beats: they do the job solidly enough but they're the rhythmic equivalent of comfort food, reflexively tugging at your hips and shoulders but never approaching the stark strangeness of early Noughties productions like Ludacris's What's Your Fantasy or J-Kwon's Tipsy."
I think he's got a point, although there's a danger in judging the healthiness of a scene based on what's in the charts. If you took that as a bellwether, most techno genres have supposedly never existed.

Still, I think there's a wider malaise: we haven't had a true musical revolution since rave. The Beatles made music fab, punk stuck a safety pin in that bubble, while rave danced all over the eighties' grave. What since? Drippy guitar geeks? Videos stuffed with girls in tight lycra? Susan Boyllocks?

- Finally, Eclectic Hermit has come back into the light, smothering us with some Ninja Tune scrumptiousness. Welcome back.