Apr 24, 2017

Aphex Twin is *the* look of summer 2017


I made a joke on Twitter, but now I've started taking it seriously. I can't think about anything else.

Here's my, er, "joke".


Oh how funny, Fats. Oh how you've got us rolling down the aisles. But I really want to dress like those Aphex Twin characters now.

The green teddy bear suit looks so fluffy. It looks like it smells of lime and you'd be able to hide in a bucket of frogs without anyone noticing.

The bearded bikini Aphex looks so liberating. Imagine letting it all hang out, my ridiculously large boobs wafting in the wind, my beautiful unshaven face rustling like a bad tree. I'd be adored by millions.

Who hasn't wanted to shave their head, smear themselves in clay and scream at a little old lady? Not just old ladies. Old blokes. Old dogs. Old babies. Just scream, scream, screaming all day long.

And what's wrong with dressing as Jive Bunny?

Oh. Wait.

Why did I choose that? That would be awful. Everyone hated Jive Bunny. Flipping heck. That's taken the sheen off this whole thing, to be honest.

IT'S NOT EVEN APHEX TWIN'S BEST CHARACTER.

I wish I'd never tweeted anything. Harrumph.
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