Jan 11, 2009

The Lowry retail outlet: very much not the closest thing to crazy

I've had the dubious pleasure of spending more time than I ever want in Salford's incongruous Lowry Outlet Mall shopping centre.

Now, I'm not expecting them to play Venetian Snares' greatest hits, but I have a slight issue with their muzak playlist.

Here is a typical hour in the Lowry Outlet Mall. See what you think. Have they missed anything? Could this list be any better?

- Shapeshifters: Lola's Theme (pictured)

- Sade: No Ordinary Love

- Sixpence None The Richer: Kiss Me

- Katie Melua: The Closest Thing To Crazy

- an advert for the Cadbury shop ("have a refeshing cold schnapple")

- All Saints: I Know Where It's At (mixed bizarrely with The Platters' Only You, probably coming from another shop)

- Christina Aguilera: Beautiful

- Michelle McManus: All This Time

- Kylie Minogue: Spinning Around

- Robbie Williams: Misunderstood

- Zoë: Sunshine On A Rainy Day

- Elton John: Are You Ready For Love ("yes I am, OH yeh!" reminding me of all the extra vocal bits Smash Hits used to print on their lyrics pages)

- Chicane: Offshore

- Janet Jackson: Runaway


Anonymous said...

Hey, at least it's not the Christmas playlist. That thing was even worse.

Plus, for bad musak, nothing beats upstairs at the precinct centre.

Fat Roland said...

I was going to list the Christmas playlist, but I didn't recognise half the songs. I'm sure every other track was Mariah Carey doing a really slow r 'n' b love song to Rudolph / an elf / someone she's randomly shagged under a Christmas tree.

Sarah said...

I worked in Argos over Christmas a few years ago. Now, every time I hear 'Miss Dynamite-tee-hee' I want to punch someone. I think I'll get away with it as it's just a Pavlovian response.

Anonymous said...

I used to work in Boots and things were very often dire there - but they did redeem themselves once or twice by playing Goldfrapp and The Flaming Lips. Those were rare occasions though.

Fat Roland said...

Sarah - Mmmmm, pavlova.

Welsh - I won't be satisfied until they're playing Can

steve said...

Once I heard one of Aphex Twin's ambient works (vol 2) at a mall and nearly crapped myself. I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad though. As for sad, you should here some of the stuff they play at my local grocery store - makes you wanna tie the noose (especially after a breakup I'd imagine). I wonder if it's a psychological experiment in food and muzak? perhaps they equate sadness with eating more?

Lou Davis said...

Half of that list are songs that I have noticed myself singing along to without really noticing ... or wanting to. Then I'd realise and try and make myself stop ... and not be able to.

Is it something they put in the air? Or is it the secret ingredient they put in subway sandwiches which leads to the temporary insanity?

Fat Roland said...

Steve - I heard Orbital's Chime in a Subway a few weeks ago (during Christmas season, no less), which leads me to...

Lou - whatever it is, the secret ingredient is most definitely not Reggae Reggae sauce, which I found surprisingly disappointing.